BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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