I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize