So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
