Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize