So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
