omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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