Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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