I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
