I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
two words: eviction party
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
