If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
