I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
