3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
