I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We need a shit load of segways right now
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
