he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
