thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
