matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
