I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you win again, gameday.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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