You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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