I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
