She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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