dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize