chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
