My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
