note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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