woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize