Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
