Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
