i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
