the condom got lost in my hair
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
