on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
