shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
third nipple confirmed
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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