can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
