you guys were way drunker than both of me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
