happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
