Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
