bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
