I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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