Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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