At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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