I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize