im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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