it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
