The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It was confusing and full of hummus
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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