At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
