fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
