hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
