You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Girls should come with a carfax report
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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