Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
