I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
