I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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