My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I am naked and annoyed.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
