Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
