Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
