I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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