it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize