He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
