after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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