I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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