WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
