One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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