dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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