Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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