i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
