Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think your dad took our porno
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
