True but thats because hes a fetus.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
