Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize