my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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