I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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