Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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