yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize