I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
