I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i think i scared a bird with my dick
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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