it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
