sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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