fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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