I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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