I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
