i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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