Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
