im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
