new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Life is so much better after having sex.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
