Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
