im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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