So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
