i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
