he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
