I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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