I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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