Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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