I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
