I accidentally burped into my bong.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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