i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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