were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
tell me about the eggs
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