No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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