I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
