I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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