Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
