Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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