Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
