the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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