in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
