i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
