I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
