is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
